A Daisy Thru Concrete
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Unconscious Mutterings Week 334Unconscious Mutterings Week 334
I say ... and you think ... ?
Divorce :: May 16, 2008
Napkin :: Rings
Camera :: I want one!!
Leather :: Couch
Fractures :: Broken glass
Flip out :: Jessi
Coroner :: Duckie
Atomic :: Bomb
Liz :: Claiborne
Leave :: of absence
Labels: Unconscious Mutterings
Monday, June 9, 2008
Photobucket Meme :0)Found this here: Livin' With Me!
Here are Da rules.
Here are Da rules.
1. Go to http://www.photobucket.com/
2. Type in your answer to the question in the “search” box
3. Use only the first page
4. Pick a picture and insert the picture into your Blog.
1. What is your current relationship stat?
3. What is your favorite band/singer?
5. Where do you live?
13. What is your name?
Labels: photobucket meme
Per www.thatsmyanswer.com:
If you could write a sequel to any movie, what movie would it be?
It's funny that this happens to be a question being asked. My family and I were discussing this very question just a week or so ago.
I would LOVE to see a sequel to the 80s hit "Breakfast Club". Perhaps it would be the children of the original characters now serving a Saturday detention. I always wondered...what happened on Monday... It would be nice to know.
Labels: thatsmyanswer
Saturday, May 31, 2008
5/31/2008Almost halfway through the year and I'm ridiculously stuck in neutral. Two steps forward - two steps back. Not moving forward, but not looking back. I'm frustrated.
Labels: Daily thoughts
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Goodbye / HelloThe new year is always a mixture of emotions for me and this one is no different. I feel excited for all that is going to happen and regretful for the things I'm leaving behind. I'm happy. I'm sad. It's difficult to say if I enjoy the day or not...but alas, it is here again.
I normally take a goal-oriented approach versus a resolution approach, since statistically people don't stick with resolutions. Either way, I have hopes and plans for 2008 and I hope that I am able to bring all of them to fruition.
The theme for this year is The Seven Deadly Sins.
1. Lust
I will make myself feel sexy in my mid-thirties, instead of seeking compliments from others to do so. I will battle the temptations to gain the attention of others by being flirtatious and/or using sexual inuendos. I will remind myself that I only need to cause the arrousal and gain the desire of one man - the man that has proven his love to me over and over without reservation or restrictions. I will accept that true love is not based on fairy tale ideals or romantic gestures, but on commitment, loyalty, honesty, and humility.
2. Gluttony
I will eat for the nutritional benefits, instead of just eating for the sake of eating. I will eat until I feel satisfied, instead of gorging myself unnecessarily out of boredom or any other emotion. I will eat healthier and smarter. I will cook more and eat out less. I will try new things in order to expand the very small list of foods I will eat.
3. Greed
I will focus my attentions on the blessings in my life and stop looking for a way to have "more". I will be thankful for all that I have, instead of thinking it's not enough.
I will release my hold on those people and relationships in my life that want to be let go. I will let go friendships where the other person has deemed me unnecessary or unworthy of affection and/or forgiveness, instead of trying to force them to love me or want me in their lives.
4. Sloth
I will become more physically active. I will seek ways to better my health and appearance. I will express my love for nature by including its precense in my daily activity, even if it means going out alone.
I will quit smoking. Laziness or fear will no longer hinder my desire to breathe deeper and live longer. Laziness and fear will no longer keep me smelling like an ashtray instead of the great vanilla body spray and lotion I put on. I will quit smoking this year!
I will put more efforts towards being more active in mind, as well. I will continue and be more focused towards my geneology project. I will read the newspaper and watch the news. I will educate myself about the community I live in and the goings-on in the world (foreign and domestic). I will study politics and government. I will learn about religions and find my spiritual place among them.
5. Wrath
I will make peace with myself. I will accept punishment and accountability only for my behavior, instead of taking responsibility for others.
I will give forgiveness to those that have hurt me. I will seek professional help, if necessary, to extinguish the nightmares that haunt my nights and find a way to accept my life's tragedies new and old without visions of punishing those responsible for causing me pain.
I will recognize that not everyone has the same work ethic as me. I will resist the temptation to condone or criticize those that don't adhere to the same level of professionalism as I do. I will stay calmer when faced with issues and stresses at work. I will leave work at work.
6. Envy
I will be more genuine in my happiness for others successes. I will fight off the urge to be sullen after every engagement/wedding announcement. I will push back the pangs of jealousy at the sight of every toddler and/or protruding belly. I will remember my time with my dad, instead of wishing for more. I will recognize the creative and artistic talents I was given, instead of wishing I could do what someone else does.
7. Pride
I will start loving myself, instead of loathing myself. I will recognize my positive qualities instead of comparing myself to others. I will become comfortable in my own skin and with the abilities I have.
I will ask for help instead of trying to do it on my own. I will seek medical attention for my ailments. I will admit when I don't know how to do something. I will open up myself to others, instead of hiding behind a fake wall of strength and competence in an effort to camoflauge my vulnerabilities.
I will continue to point out others' positive qualities and praise them when they do well. I will continue to put others ahead of myself, but not so far ahead that I'm lost in the dust. I will always look for the good in another person and find beauty in those around me where others might not.
I think that about covers it. Of course, finalizing my dissolution/divorce to my estranged husband is still on the list....but it appears as if that will be coming very early in the year thanks to a rather substantial forthcoming tax return. My three (almost four) year wait to become divorced may finally be coming to a close, but only time will tell.
I wish all of you a wonderful new year. Here's to new beginnings, continued success, and countless happy memories in 2008! Much love to you all!
Labels: 2008
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
DifferentThe wind blows the same as it always has, leaving a chill on my skin. Similarly the sun sets each night to be replaced by the cold darkness of the moon, yet rises each morning to light our way and warm our hearts. Blue is still blue, red is still red. Everything around me is the same, but I am different.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Past Rambling13th January, 2007. 11:29 am.
I should be happy
As I look at my life, I know in my head that I should be elated at how things are going for me right now. The problem is that I am not. I cannot shake these feelings of sadness that surround me. I feel unfulfilled. I feel as if I too easily walked away from hopes and dreams of the past because they seemed too difficult to fight for at the time. I let go of people who meant so much to me because I was too prideful to admit my own failings or wrongdoings. I forgot the person I claimed to be and became different versions of myself to satisy others in my world.
I think this is what is known as regret. I never really felt this way. I always shrugged off these thoughts and told myself that there is no such thing as regret. "There are only lessons to be learned through life's experiences and our mistakes while living." I excused myself from accountability by shrouding it in philosophical meanderings.
The truth of the matter is that I have done things I regret. I sit here right now wishing I could take back so many things I have said and done wrong. Sleep is haunted by visions of those situations I could have changed...could have done better. Every happy ocassion is overshadowed by guilt and shame. Every new happy experience is coupled with an old sad memory.
How can I be happy now?
Even though I have been hurt in the past, how can I justify being the cause of someone else's pain? How can I justify giving up on relationships, especially when I have been abandoned so much myself? How can I be happy when I have been all the things I hate about other people?
I believe I truly have become someone special and continue to grow into an even lovelier person daily. But how? How do I make up for all the things I have done while getting here? How do I repair all the damage I caused along the way? Can I just call up those I wronged and apologize? Will they forgive me? Should they forgive me? Can I move past it if they don't? Will the guilt and shame be lifted if they do? Should I open old wounds? What if those I feel so badly about hurting no longer care about it now? If I approach them now, will I only be hurting them all over?
Happy? How can I be happy when these are the thoughts that envelope my brain? How? How can I be happy when I feel undeserving of the great things I have? How can I be happy in my accomplishments when my failures lie there as a reminder?
